Rockets 105, Sixers 104 - Grand Theft

Wanted for crimes against basketball: The 2017-2018 Houston Rockets. They are now the most illegal team in the NBA after their last-second theft of this game from its rightful owners, the Philadelphia 76ers. Eric Gordon is known to be the ringleader, firing the fatal shot to beat the buzzer after a very larcenous late comeback. After trailing by eight with under two minutes to go, the already-unlawful Rockets took matters into their own hands and have fled Philadelphia with their stolen win in tow. Despite the Sixers' best efforts, all basketball decency was shredded by these perpetrators of Basketball Crime, now 4-1 on the season. Read below for more information on these suspects.



Eric Gordon

Though not their normal leader, Gordon took on a role of authority in tonight's heist. He usually answers to James Harden, also known as the 'Beard', also known as the 'Flopper', but Harden was taking a back seat in this one. Other usual leader and recent recruit Chris Paul is known to have been watching from the sidelines as the whole thing happened.



Clint Capela

The Swiss big man is wanted as well despite being, by many accounts, "a nice young man who never hurt anyone." He's fallen in with the kind of crowd that draws fouls and works refs, and tonight they got him to cross a bridge he can't ever cross. He is known to have blocked at least four separate, distinct shots by the innocent Sixers, including against notable member Joel "The Process" Embiid. He's learned everything this criminal team knows and is taking it to heart in what can only be said to be great for crime and the Rockets but a nightmare for the rest of this good, upstanding league.

If you have any information about the Houston Rockets or their known associates please call the NBA police, who can be found calling for suspensions of Warriors players on Twitter.

 

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